BITCHES IS RETARDED: U.S. Naval Ships Piss Themselves Over Iranian Vessels

To all those who have yet to meet me in person, let me espouse to you my sheer disrespect and mistrust of both the Bush administration here in the good ol' United States of Dead White guy, and the Ahmadinejad administration in OwnedByArabistan (formerly known as the Iranian Plateau).

This is furthered by the horrendous news that came to me via my Google news feed.

"Five Iranian boats made aggressive maneuvers and showed hostile intent towards three U.S. Navy ships at the weekend in the Strait of Hormuz, a major oil shipping route in the Gulf, the Pentagon said on Monday," Reuters reports, "The Pentagon said the incident was serious. It described the Iranian actions as 'careless, reckless and potentially hostile' and said Tehran should provide an explanation."

Now, what's so fucking scary about that, right? It's just a whole bunch of penis jousting, pissing contests, like peacocks flashing their tail feathers, right? ... Right?

"... Pentagon officials, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the Iranians made threats by radio and a U.S. captain was in the process of ordering sailors to open fire when the Iranian boats moved away."

So it was a pissing contest that almost ended in WORLD WAR THREE.

"According to the officials, the radio transmission from one of the Iranian ships said: 'I am coming at you. You will explode in a couple of minutes.'"

Oh, good, now we can clearly see that the Iranians were going to buttfuck the Americans.

Now, I'm not an EXPERT on military machinery, but I know for a fact that the Iranians have the fastest underwater missile in the god dammned world - the Hoot Torpedo - and it can cover quite a bit of ground.

It's not a clear tactical advantadge in all situations, but it sure as fuck doesn't hurt. It also proves that despite Bush's gut instincts, America does not have a military superior in every way to every nation. Iran has at least ONE thing on the U.S.A.

"The Iranian boats were believed to belong to Iran's Revolutionary Guard, the officials said."

FURTHERING THE CLUSTERFUCK, it was the fucking IRG. The IRG, for those who do not know, are the government-sanctioned and terrifyingly autonomous military that reports only to the clerics of the Iranian Shiias. Iran has a regular army, navy, and air force AS WELL as the IRG equivalent of all.

If you've watched Deep Space 9, think the Obsidian Order.

"An 'informed source' from the naval force of the Revolutionary Guards was quoted by Iranian state television as saying: 'There were no out of the ordinary contacts between the Guards' naval force and American ships.'
In his account of the incident, the source said three U.S. naval ships were asked by Guards' vessels 'as usual' to identify themselves 'which they did and they continued their path.'"

Great. Good, great. FUCK. You know what this means? The Pentagon could be *gasp* LYING! Leak a few terrifying details to make it seem like Iran is TOTALLY out to get us, right? I mean, it came from anonymous sources so obviously the Pentagon doesn't want us knowing this shit - unless that's what they want you to think.

BOTTOM LINE
Neither side is to be trusted. They both want to nuke the living shit out of each other, they want us to be afraid in our beds at night, they want to fuck us up. So what do you do about it? Kiss someone. Hell, you could even try kissing a Persian.
I know one =D