DEVIL DUCK PARTY PRIME recap

The Masques and Candysound kicked off the party with a great-big-bangin' FUUUUUUCK YOOOU! Shit was bitchin' as they cranked out some totally awesome tunes. Ask Weather for a taste of the recordings. I told them that if they made it a live album, I would buy it, and so should you.

It was around this point that the downstairs neighbor, Scott, reported to me that we were people in his back yard, and according to him they were getting high. The only person to have admitted being down there is adamant that she was NOT getting high, and I personally believe it was a simple misunderstanding. However, he was upset and I had to report to the crowd there that Devil Duck Party Prime would also be a goodbye party to the venue.

The Ronz proceeded to kick everyone's asses into oblivion with a kick ass set that got people moshing. It was at this point that I became acutely aware of the fact that the windows were about to be smashed out by Will's crazy-ass drumming. We got lucky this time and the glass remains intact, but we may need to tape those up next time.

A brief stint with a VERY polite policeman later, I and the rest of the Devil Duck were trying to corral people into the house so we wouldn't get another noise complaint, but people are fuckers so it was like herding cats.

I finally took the stage and played a mediocre set due to a WASTED drummer who couldn't remember the songs. But I debuted two new songs that have never been played in front of an audience before, and will be going on the next album. Live recordings coming soon.

But right near the end of my set, a miracle happened: THE DALAI LAMA SHOWED UP.

See, when I found out the Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso was going to be in town for my party, I sent him an email asking him to come, just as a joke, but he did! He showed up just before I began playing "Shotglass Eye", and headbanged during it. Then we smoked some purple ganja out on the deck and discussed the upcoming Chinese Olympics.

When Reid found out the Dalai Lama had arrived, he ran up the stairs and broke his foot. Luckily the Dalai Lama was there and managed to heal it using intense spiritual concentration and co-ordinated meditation.

Scott came upstairs again to complain, but after a brief discussion with the Dalai Lama, Scott calmed down and decided he was going to allow us to have parties in the future. SO WE GET TO PARTY MORE!

He crashed in my room, and was gone when I woke up the next morning, but it was great having him! HEY GYATSO! IF YOU'RE READING THIS, STOP BY ANY TIME!

Gay People vs Fags

So some stupid dyke bitch keeps throwing a hissy fit every time I call someone a faggot. She thinks I'm intolerant. THIS IS FUCKING STUPID. It's like I can't have an opinion on homosexuality because I enjoy pussy and tits.

I present this JPEG to defend myself.



I fully support equal rights for homosexuals. Some of the coolest people on Earth just happen to have sex with people of the same gender - INCLUDING some of my personal heroes: Dan Savage, George Takei, and Russel T. Davies to name a few. This does not mean that I cannot hate faggots.

The Catholic Feast of Saint Patrick

He drove some snakes from Ireland, SAINT PATTY!
Though science says snakes never lived on Ireland, SAINT PATTY!

Patron saint of Ireland
Nigeria, and Engineers
Does anything a dirty Mick can
Celebrate with shitty beers
SAINT PATTY!
SAINT PATTY!
SAINT PATTYYYYYYYYYYY!

I wrote that just now. Love it or leave it.

AAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH

That yellow shit? That all came out of my lungs. I coughed it up and spit it out and collected it. This fucking illness has kept me out of work for THREE DAYS NOW. Missing one day is bad enough, but three days? I mean, if I don't go back to work, like, TOMORROW, I'm gonna be pissed. It just hurts to breathe, and coughing up a few tablespoons of mucus a day.

Oh, and even better. Check out that little blood spot in that shit. It's disgusting. And highly painful.

So now I'm down and out financially, too. Mike's helping me cover rent, but ultimately I'm going to be boned here VERY SOON. Also, I think I might be getting scurvy. Isn't your knuckles turning bluish-green a symptom of that?

So if anyone would like to bring me over a fruit salad, or a nice bunch of bananas, maybe some Nyquil... that'd be great.

HAHAHAHA I'm an asshole

Okay, so, at work they give you these big fucking calendar things for you to keep track of events. Except who the fuck needs one of those in a fucking office? I don't need a goddamn planner, I file shit. Monday: file shit. Tuesday: file shit. Wednesday: file shit. I think you see where this is going.

So I decided to spice things up by putting the fact that I was having a party on the thing. I wrote this down on Friday:


So then I walk in on Monday and find this:


Obviously, I cannot let this pass. So I respond:


You know I'm probably going to be fired.

Bijhan's Big Ball: Aftermath

Well, bitches and bitchettes, you may be wondering, "Was the Big Ball a success?"

No. No, you assholes, it wasn't. I had a good fucking time in SPITE of most of the jackasses that showed up.

MY BIG FAT LIST OF MY BIG FAT COMPLAINTS:
1) The Ronz playlist was way too fucking short, and way too fucking few people danced. Their music was the highlight of the night, and there was not enough of it.
2) Two very rowdy shirtless customers decided to spill three FULL cans of beer into my carpet. These guys are assholes.
3) Someone invited a bunch of highschool girls. What the fuck guys, highschool girls are lame as shit. Yeah, they're delicious jailbait, but the ones that get lured into coming to these house parties are vapid, mindless, and never put out.
4) An asshole I have no viable connection to requested that we play "Wonderwall" by Oasis. No. I will not play "Wonderwall" by Oasis. Ever. That is a gay ass song by a gay ass band. We play only quality tunes.
5) THIS IS A BIG ONE. Someone stole forty dollars STRAIGHT CASH out of the jar we were using for bar money. Classy, guys. That's awesome. I hope you spend it on something worthwhile.
6) Some dinosaurs showed up late after the actual party had been over, toting beer and settling in for a while. One of the guys bugged me about playing in an Irish band with my accordion. Look asshat, I don't play IN a back-up band. I HAVE a back-up band. I'm a one-man show, and I've already got a set of gigs. I'm not an up-and-coming youth, and you're not my fucking manager.

So basically me and Weather pitched in plenty of dough in the form of alcohol, the Ronz played an awesome show, and then my guests turn on me and abuse me. THE PEOPLE WHO ARE COOL: You know who you are. This message is not for you. ASSHOLES: Don't ever show up at my place ever again. Nothing personal. I just don't want you around.

Bijhan's Big Ball

Due to popular demand, Bijhan will be HOSTING a party, not just PLAYING one! It will be a party the way I think a party should be - ALL ABOUT ME! AAAAAAAND THE LADIES! preferably the two will come together for some kind of explosive finale for the night. Yeah? Yeah.

So far we have two great bands to play as well: The Joe Miller Band (think about what would happen if the Beatles and the Apples in Stereo had met a young Joe Strummer and fallen in love) and The Rockin' Ronz (think about what would happen if two crazy motherfuckers decided to rock your face off, hour after hour, day after day)

To be clear, the intoxicants are:

1) There will be a keg that will be dispensing free beer.

2) Then there will be a thing of canned beers for sale (however, once the keg disappears, ladies may want to approach either Titan or Magpie for more. Touching their junk could be rewarding).
3) Then we will also have a liquor bar with BIJHAN-APPROVED recipes, including some from my own personal stash. This will be a cash bar with a menu. Ladies get one free, unless they touch my dick (NOT THROUGH THE PANTS) in which case they get more

4) Anything else is, well... bring your own. And anything REALLY crazy (i.e., you get found with it at my place and I get in trouble) well... just don't come to the party. Yeah. No cocaine, kids. No heroine. And NO METH. And if you try and inhale some jenkem at my place, I will kill you.

IF YOU ARE CAUGHT ATTEMPTING TO STEAL: You will be mauled and thrown out by an angry Persian.

IF YOU ARE CAUGHT ATTEMPTING TO ROCK: You will be applauded and co-rocked-out by a joyful Persian.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY IMPORTANT:
I know I said I would not play The Ramones' "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend" after the Doctor party, but it has already become a fan favorite.

EVEN THOUGH I am heartbroken by the utter failure of my insanely romantic gesture, I always place my fans above myself, and thus, I will continue to play that song.

What can I say? I love making people dance and cheer far more than I could any silly female who doesn't even know I like her. So this party is all about RISING FROM THE ASHES and refusing to go down.

Bitches, you know you want some.

BOTTOM LINE
You are coming to this party, and you are going to like it.

Fake-Ass Ads

Okay dudes, dudettes, fellow rational thinkers, and fellow punk bastards. Time for another edition of Bijhan gets pissed about shit.

So I'm looking at porn on the interbutts (shut the fuck up, you do too) and at the end they have these bullshit ads (see pic) at the end of the shitty, grainy, badly illuminated, 30-second, "was that a tit or a cock?" videos. And I've been getting pissed.

So, first off, these girls are not looking for sex partners in Seattle. How my favorite porn site knows I live in Seattle is beyond me - probably these magic tubes that make up the intrawebs. But look at those photos. Same photo quality, same lighting - both of which are too good to be your average home photographer. This was a professional photoshoot, with hired models and hired photographers and probably free donuts and coffee for the lighting guys.

Second, bullshit on their ages. No fucking way are they still teens. The one on the right is probably in her early twenties, but look at the Cardassian-Neck on that bitch on the left! Easily in her early thirties. Or just a natural Cardassian-Neck. In which case, my condolences to the model and any offspring she might accidentally have with a man who doesn't know better than to talk to Cardassian-Necks.

Finally, even if I accepted that these girls are really on this website, and took those photos themselves, I still have an issue. WHAT ARE HOT-ASS BITCHES DOING ON AN INTERNET DATING/FUCKING SITE?! If I were on one of those sites and saw someone actually totally hot, the only thing I would think is THEY MUST BE CRAZY AS FUCK because no way are they that desperate for men unless they're verifiable psychos.

So there you have it.

Sorry if I shattered all your hopes and dreams of meeting a porn star over the interanutz who was totally into you. But it's never going to happen. Get out of your mother's basement and go get fucked. Really. I'll buy you the condom.

BOTTOM LINE
Don't talk to Cardassian-Necks

REAL SHOW

Okay, so, epic failure on the part of the interbutts radio show.

SO we will MAKE IT A WIN next time. It's a call-in show, and it's a chatroom, and it's got webcams. Participation makes awesome. SO!

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 23rd AT 11:00PM
Log on to http://www.nowlive.com and click on my show!
DO IT, FAGGETS!

My Interbutts Radio Shmo

So I tried to do an internet radio show thingy. But no one listened, so it was mighty disappointing. Also, I did the music wrong, so you won't hear any of it in the podcast. It's really not that interesting to listen to, because I messed it up. But I'm trying to figure it all out.

It's on the sidebar now and it sux.

BOTTOM LINE
Bear with me, and tune in.

Indian Bitches

Where the fuck are all the Indian bitches at? Seriously. I never see them at any parties. I rarely see them on the street. I went to school with a few, but have never worked with any.

So what the fuck? Indian bitches have THE TRIFECTA OF PERFECTION: They're hot, they're smart, and they're in control. I mean, in general. Obviously all blanket statements are inherently false. BUT, barring the rare drug-addicted Indian whore who can't think and is clingy as fuck, most Indian bitches are sharp as tacks and DON'T NEED YOU. They're AWESOME!

You see, it's like this: why are Indian women hot? Why is Joan Jett hot? Same reason. It's because young punk boys all want to be held down and raped by both. BITCHES IN CONTROL IS FUCKING HOT - and that's why we should pay them more. THINK ABOUT IT. IF we payed women more than men, all of us dudes would have sugar mommas and it would be A) HOT and B) socially acceptable.

BOTTOM LINE
Where the Indian bitches at?

Cats - an essay

I have a cat. I know what you're thinking there - BAD MOVE, BIJHAN! They are never functional. The only time in human history that cats ever served a purpose is when people believed that they would reduce the rat population. In all reality cats are not GREAT hunters nor do they have a voracious appetite, so this is largely a myth that resulted in a lot of farmers having a lot of cats and still having rodent problems.

Well, I do have a cat. He's massive and orange and named Hank. He has the tiniest little meow and the most enormous fucking body. He's also extremely fuzzy and leaves giant clumps of fur everywhere.

Since I live with two dudes who also are lazy and awesome like me, his water dish isn't always full and his litterbox always is. In fact just this morning he took a shit in my room because he wouldn't go into his own litterbox. I guess that makes him a bastard.

So really, cats suck. BUT WE LOVE THEM. Humans have a long-standing love-hate relationship with our miniature feline friends, and I think I know why.

Humans as a species most likely have the longest-standing relationship with lions. Lions and other savanna animals are the only animals on earth to have an inherent fear of humans because we evolved beside them. All other animals on earth must learn their fear of humans. So it stands to reason that the only animals WE have an inherent fear of also come from the savanna.

For some reason we love cats because they remind us of our species' home: the African plains, filled with hyenas, elephants, and FUCKING LIONS. A domesticated house cat is our personal little way of flipping nature the bird, in that we have won against our natural enemy.

BOTTOM LINE
So, Hank, continue to shit in my room. But I feed you and your life depends on ME! So your obedience is my victory over mother earth!

Bill Shatner REMIX

BOTTOM LINE
William Shatner is amazing.

People are Stupid

So I work in an office where I handle returns, and sometimes I get some pretty stupid emails.

Like this one:

"Yes, my neighbor delivered it to me. Even though Fed-ex says it was delivered to 12448, it was delivered to 12488. They may dislexic. Check spelling. "

Feel free to "lol" until your sides hurt.

BOTTOM LINE
HAHA! RETARD!



ohshitgetmeoutofherefuckingseriouslyhelphelphelphelp

JUDGE DEM BOOKS BY DEM COVERS

Ugh. How many times have you heard "Don't judge a book by its cover!!!" whenever you make an assessment of someone by how they look?

A fucking lot.

Here's the problem with that statement. WE JUDGE BOOKS BY THEIR COVERS.

You pick up a book that looks good in the book store. Then you read the cover. If you like it, you buy it. If you don't, you don't.

Here's the OTHER problem with that statement. IT'S WRONG.

I'm not saying anyone can somehow divine the innermost workings of someone's soul by what shirt they threw on that day. But YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU WEAR, and what is someone's personality but a group of decisions?

Someone's appearance is defined by several key things:
A) how much money they have
B) where they went to shop
C) where they go for haircuts
D) how well they bathe
E) how well they exercise, eat, and sleep

Let me throw on some examples:

1) If some kid has dyed his hair a really fake looking black, spikes it up in the back, and sweeps it down in front of his eye, THAT GUY IS A FAGGLE AND I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM.

2) If some jackass has shaved his head, grown out a big full beard, and wears nothing but denim and flannel, THAT GUY IS A FUCKER.

3) If for any reason someone has a tattoo on their face, a beer belly, and I can see their underwear THROUGH their pants, THEY ARE A TERRIBLE PERSON AND SHOULD BE PUT TO DEATH.

4) If someone has stitched together a shirt they made out of old clothing, and patched on logos from local bands that the person went to see, THAT PERSON IS MY HERO.

BOTTOM LINE
The cover of a book is just like the covering a human being. It's there to advertise and synopsize the contents. If someone's outside doesn't match their inside, it's not your fault for not seeing the dysfunction. It's theirs for not putting some goddamned effort into it. Your appearance is defined by decisions, and your personality is defined by your decisions, so please, JUDGE MORE BOOKS BY THEIR COVERS.

Remember Kaveh!

In the ancient legends of Persia, and in the mythology of the Zoroastrian faith, there is the story of Kaveh. Kaveh is a populist, a symbol of anti-tyrrany, and in Farsi, nearly synonymous with rebellion against foreign invasion.

Kaveh is a FUCKING BADASS. The evil Arab king Zahak had sprouted a black serpent out of each shoulder, tormenting him with the evils of his past. The only way to satiate them, he was told, was to feed them the brains of virgins daily. So he ordered virgin men and women to give their lives so he could avoid the torment of his own sins. Kaveh gave 18 of his sons to the evil monarch before he'd finally had enough.

Eighteen sons before he'd reached the end of his rope? Seems like he waited a while! Well, remember, Kaveh was a blacksmith, not a soldier. And Zahak had a legion of flying demons at his beck and call. However, diregarding the danger, Kaveh eventually decried the Arab fucker in his own court, pointed his finger, and called him a tyrant. Taking his apron off, Kaveh put it on the end of a spear and flew it high. The Flag of Kaveh is now a symbol of rebellion.

Finding other commoners - and even a prince or two - who agreed with him, Kaveh led an ultimately successful attack on Zahak's castle (with more than a little help from the Prince Feridun)

Now, people, REMEMBER KAVEH!

When the "Islamic Revolution" takes Iran and the Arab upper-class imposes its religion on the masses, REMEMBER KAVEH!

When the corporations descend upon your passions - from writing to music, filmmaking to cuisine - and pervert their intentions with a fat stack of cash, REMEMBER KAVEH!

And when the mommy-and-daddy government tells you what is and isn't okay for kids aged 12-14, when you're old enough to control your sexuality, or at what age you magically become mature enough to handle alcohol, REMEMBER KAVEH!

BOTTOM LINE
REMEMBER KAVEH!

Psycho Psycho Happy Fun-Time NUMBER ONE!!!

Why are girls so fucking crazy?

Look you skank-ass bitch, I don't give a shit about any problems you have when it's ONE IN THE FUCKING MORNING and I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW! Stop calling me! Stop it stop it stop it YOU PSYCHO WHORE.

Now you're trying to tell me you're knocked up. FUCK THAT. A) half the kids you aborted when we were together weren't even mine, why should this one be any different? B) You are SO not keeping this one, not with the fucked up little hell-hole you've made for yourself. YOU ARE ON PAROLE FOR DRUG POSESSION! YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE CHILDREN! YOUR OVARIES ARE FILLED WITH POISON!

If you're going to go ahead and have this mewling infant, then you are ON YOUR OWN. If it IS mine (if it exists at all!) then YOU LIED about being on birth control! YOU TRICKED MY DUMB ASS. Plus, I can hardly take care of myself and you want me to take care of you and a kid? FUCK THAT SHIT.

You are going to be a terrible mother. You'll probably teach the kid, if it's a girl, how to sleep with men tactically to get what you want. Like Cleopatra without the class.

BOTTOM LINE
FUCK OFF. You can't pay for a paternity test, you have no leeway with the courts, and I'm two seconds from issuing a restraining order. GO TO HELL.

OBAMA! OBAMA! OBAMA!

What the fuck people. We can't let fucking Hillary win! THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!?

After getting her cunt handed to her on a platter in Iowa she goes ahead and wins New Hampshire? FUCK YOU NEW HAMPSHIRE! We do not need this bitch progressing at all. We need a NEGRO in the OVAL OFFICE! LET'S MAKE THIS A FUCKING BLACK HOUSE!

Reasons why Obama is the best guy for the job:
1) He's already admitted he did drugs as a kid. I like that. I can trust that. None of this "I did it but I didn't inhale" fuckshit. Young people from the early 70s to the late 80s did a lot of cocaine. Get over it. Obama knows how to keep shit real. The Clintons don't.

2) He surrounds himself with INTELLIGENT FUCKING PEOPLE! Look at the bomb-ass bitch he married. She is SMART. She knows WHERE HER SHIT IS AT. All Hillary's wife can do is get and upset tummy at how the fucking kids get M&Ms in dispensers in High School. WAAA! Obama keeps people around him that can actually REASON SOME SHIT OUT.

3) That picture of him smoking makes him look like a total badass.


Reasons why Hillary should not be allowed to win:
1) Stupid bitch still takes money from SPECIAL INTEREST GROUPS! "Yes, sir, I will accept your bribe and in return I shall make sure to press the issue of making baby-eating legal. Thank you Baby Farmers of America!" Barrack has successfully thrown off the shackles of special interest groups FOR A BETTER AMERICA! "Lobbyists represent real Americans!" BULLSHIT, ASSFACE! They represent REAL CORPORATIONS!

2) Her policies on media censorship is ASS. She wants to shut down the videogame and film industries so a mommy-and-daddy government can tell us what is and isn't appropriate for our kids to watch and play. WHAT HAPPENED TO PARENTING!? TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT YOU LET YOUR KIDS SEE! Get the FUCK off my TV set and out of my games, Hillary! Fuck off from my movie-going experience!

3) She is about as sincere and trustworthy as Martha Stewart or Cleopatra. She will fucking use you and all you love to get what she wants. She plays the game for money and power and it WORKS. She will own you soon, and she will become the BITCH TYRANT.


BOTTOM LINE
Regardless of her vagina, Hillary Clinton is just another douchey white guy. She is oldschool politics and made of pure evil. Barrack Obama is our ONLY FUCKING HOPE for a new America. We NEED SOMEONE NAMED HUSSEIN IN THE WHITE HOUSE now more than ever. If Hillary Clinton wins another caucus and Obama starts trailing off, we are all doomed. If it comes down to Clinton vs McCain... I'm voting Republican.

At least McCain has a SOUL.

Daily Bump 'n' Grind

Oh, rent.
Why do you consume me?
Food, my food.
I consume you.
Why tax me with your costliness?

Just to survive, I've been commuting to FUCKING ISSAQUAH, doing data-entry at a place of business which I shall not name. (I read that Stranger article about the chick from Nintendo america who got in serious trouble for blogging about work. I'm dropping no names.)

The job is nice enough - good break room, nice people, good work environment. The job itself is a little boring, but hey, it pays and it's not back-breaking, right?

But the commute is MURDEROUS. Two hours on the bus EACH WAY. So, for this reason, I just turned in my two weeks notice.

TIME FOR A NEW JOB.

Hopefully I can find a new one by then. I'm going through a temp agency, so that's not so hard. However, since you're just one in a registry of hundred, it requires a fair bit of wrangling to get what you want from these people.

A lot of times they're in "meetings" I know don't exist, and they've often "just stepped out for the day". I mean, hell, I'm sure their jobs are even shittier than ours, and they have to be perky and cheerful to every one of us selfish bastards that calls.

You just have to finesse the system. And by that, I mean keep calling during the hours they HAVE to be there until someone takes your damn call. Never leave a message unless you have no other option - always ask when a better time to call back would be. That way the receptionist will give you an accurate answer - because they don't want to have to keep dealing with you!

BOTTOM LINE
We're all selfish assholes in our hearts. We all need the mon-ay, and we all have to shove and push to get it. It's called the rat race. Because you can never actually win.

BITCHES IS RETARDED: U.S. Naval Ships Piss Themselves Over Iranian Vessels

To all those who have yet to meet me in person, let me espouse to you my sheer disrespect and mistrust of both the Bush administration here in the good ol' United States of Dead White guy, and the Ahmadinejad administration in OwnedByArabistan (formerly known as the Iranian Plateau).

This is furthered by the horrendous news that came to me via my Google news feed.

"Five Iranian boats made aggressive maneuvers and showed hostile intent towards three U.S. Navy ships at the weekend in the Strait of Hormuz, a major oil shipping route in the Gulf, the Pentagon said on Monday," Reuters reports, "The Pentagon said the incident was serious. It described the Iranian actions as 'careless, reckless and potentially hostile' and said Tehran should provide an explanation."

Now, what's so fucking scary about that, right? It's just a whole bunch of penis jousting, pissing contests, like peacocks flashing their tail feathers, right? ... Right?

"... Pentagon officials, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the Iranians made threats by radio and a U.S. captain was in the process of ordering sailors to open fire when the Iranian boats moved away."

So it was a pissing contest that almost ended in WORLD WAR THREE.

"According to the officials, the radio transmission from one of the Iranian ships said: 'I am coming at you. You will explode in a couple of minutes.'"

Oh, good, now we can clearly see that the Iranians were going to buttfuck the Americans.

Now, I'm not an EXPERT on military machinery, but I know for a fact that the Iranians have the fastest underwater missile in the god dammned world - the Hoot Torpedo - and it can cover quite a bit of ground.

It's not a clear tactical advantadge in all situations, but it sure as fuck doesn't hurt. It also proves that despite Bush's gut instincts, America does not have a military superior in every way to every nation. Iran has at least ONE thing on the U.S.A.

"The Iranian boats were believed to belong to Iran's Revolutionary Guard, the officials said."

FURTHERING THE CLUSTERFUCK, it was the fucking IRG. The IRG, for those who do not know, are the government-sanctioned and terrifyingly autonomous military that reports only to the clerics of the Iranian Shiias. Iran has a regular army, navy, and air force AS WELL as the IRG equivalent of all.

If you've watched Deep Space 9, think the Obsidian Order.

"An 'informed source' from the naval force of the Revolutionary Guards was quoted by Iranian state television as saying: 'There were no out of the ordinary contacts between the Guards' naval force and American ships.'
In his account of the incident, the source said three U.S. naval ships were asked by Guards' vessels 'as usual' to identify themselves 'which they did and they continued their path.'"

Great. Good, great. FUCK. You know what this means? The Pentagon could be *gasp* LYING! Leak a few terrifying details to make it seem like Iran is TOTALLY out to get us, right? I mean, it came from anonymous sources so obviously the Pentagon doesn't want us knowing this shit - unless that's what they want you to think.

BOTTOM LINE
Neither side is to be trusted. They both want to nuke the living shit out of each other, they want us to be afraid in our beds at night, they want to fuck us up. So what do you do about it? Kiss someone. Hell, you could even try kissing a Persian.
I know one =D